“Most people are searching for Happiness outside themselves; That’s a fundamental mistake. Happiness is something that you are, and it comes from the way you choose to think”. Wayne Dyer

While this comment speaks to me and I know it is truth; I also understand all too well the struggle with daily life to find internal Happiness. I was twenty-nine years old, shattered on my apartment floor having left behind all that mattered to me begging to know, “Where is my happiness”? Thank God he answered my call and that I was wise enough to hear the answer.

If you find yourself in a similar place, here are some lessons I learned and I hope it can shed light on your journey.

1. Happiness is not ongoing; we become aware of moments of happiness. Happiness is nothing more than an emotion. Just like any emotion it will come and go. You never look for “Anger” you never have too- it just shows up, honor each the same, allow them to show up, accept what they bring and then allow them to go away until their next visit. Perhaps you can look for “Contentment” which is simply finding Gratitude for what you have.  A great read when I need to be reminded of this is “The Guest House” By Rumi
2. When your thoughts overwhelm you; We often get in our on way. Our thoughts become more addictive than any drug. We guilt ourselves about our past, about our failures, and all the “what have/should have”. Finding Compassion and grace to forgive yourself for not knowing at the time what you know now and learning to find gratitude for the lesson and the new knowledge you hold. A technique you can use when overwhelmed in negative thoughts is to stop- look at a something in your current space, a picture, the grass, a house plant or a pet and say, “I am OK in this moment”. Breaking from your thoughts can allow peace and bring you back to the present (which is the gift).
3. Loving Ourselves; You have to be willing to allow yourself happiness, no one knows us better than us, and that can be a double edge sword. We often punish ourselves and think we don’t truly deserve to be “happy”. Like the above, finding compassion for yourself when you desire too self-sabotage can help turn the tables. Stop, take a few deep breaths, remind yourself that you are growing and learning every day and that you can forgive yourself for what you did not know before.  
4. Worrying About what other people think about you;- Let me tell you a secret. “You don’t even like everyone” let that set in for a moment… and not everyone needs to like you! If they do, then you are likely not living in your truth.
5. Your Drunk Sailor: Your thoughts dictate your life and beliefs’- get a hold of your drunk sailor potty mouth vomiting in your head. We are designed to have self-sabotaging thoughts but that does not mean they have to control us.  I don’t care who you are, you will never stop receiving unwanted and negative thoughts. It is how we talk to the thoughts that make a difference. “Not today devil” “aren’t you adorable trying to ruin my moment” “things always work out for me” and so on.  
6. You will never be “happy” until you choose to be; Choice is free will. Do you want to be happy? Do you want to let go of the stories from the past that no longer serve you? Do you want to live in the moment? Do you have a reason not to be happy at this moment when you look around? With what you see if the lack of happiness temporary or permanent?
7. Happiness is an Inside Job: One night a drunk man was searching on the ground under a streetlight when an officer approached him and asked, “if he had lost something”. The man replied, “I dropped my keys on the other side of the park”. The officer replied, “but why are you looking over here” and the man replied, “because this is where the light is”., “I can’t see over there”. As you can understand, searching in the light was pointless because his keys were across the way. Sitting in the darkness where his keys were and feeling around would have made more sense instead of him “Going to find light”. Sometimes we just need to sit in the darkness and feel until we are ready to find what it is we seek. Don’t let Fear of the darkness run you to fleeting lights., all that glimmers does not always shine.
8. The Grass is Greener where you water it; Social Media has tarnished our relationships and how we see Life. People are always portraying themselves as “Happy” “Successful” “Enlighted” “In love” “In Shape” and so on… but here is the reality… if they really are these things- it’s because THEY DID THE WORK (watered their own grass) None of this just is.. it takes effort, failure, not giving up and pushing yourself to be these things… Face yourself if you want greener grass. The other thing it has made us believe is we have “endless options” but again what is the cost of these options?
9. Everyone has Problems: I am not here to squeeze sunshine up your ass. Everyone of us deals with Life. We deal with Marriage, Kids, Death, Sickness, War, Delusions and so on. To think anyone is going untouched by life is insane. The only difference is having skills from within to deal with the things we can’t control, and the courage to deal with the things we can influence. You can’t make yourself Sad enough, sick enough, or poor enough to help anyone else that is suffering. It is honorable to see the suffering of the world and be influenced by it, but it is not honorable to drink the poison of it constantly because that means you have lost the hope and how will they ever find it.

One of my favorite things to do when I am looking for answers to anything in life is Google Search (which now we have to be careful with, I digress) “What does the Bible Say about Happiness”? I also use the Quran, Hinduism, and Buddhism as these are the top four religions and so much wisdom lives here. I share below the answers for each if you want to stick around, you will see they basically all say the same, DRUM ROLL: are you ready., Happiness is inside work and nothing you can buy, travel too, marry, work for and so on.  Last, I leave you with one of my favorite poems.  

Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living –  heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful. 

L.R. Knost

The Bible:

• Loving God and seeking to live according to His will are presented as key sources of happiness. 
• Humility and obedience to God are linked to happiness and blessing. 
• The Bible encourages trusting in God’s plan and finding joy in His presence. 
• Seeking Wisdom and Understanding: Proverbs emphasize that finding wisdom and understanding leads to a happy life. 
• The Bible suggests that giving to others brings a deeper happiness than receiving. 

The Quran:

The Quran suggests that happiness in both realms is attained through faith, righteous actions, and a strong connection with God. 

• Importance of Gratitude: The Quran emphasizes gratitude for Allah’s blessings as a key to both worldly contentment and a path to eternal happiness. 
• Avoiding Excessive Worldly Happiness: The Quran also cautions against becoming overly attached to worldly pleasures, as this can lead to neglect of spiritual duties and a disconnect from God.
• The concept of Bushra (good news): The Quran uses the term “Bushra” to denote positive news and blessings, which can contribute to a believer’s happiness and sense of well-being

Buddhism:

• Buddha emphasized that happiness is not dependent on external circumstances, possessions, or social status. 
• The Buddha taught that attachment to desires and aversion to unpleasant experiences leads to suffering (dukkha). By understanding the impermanence of all things, one can detach from these cravings and find a more lasting peace. 
• Practice like meditation and mindfulness help train the mind to be more positive, compassionate, and accepting. This involves focusing on the present moment, letting go of negative thoughts, and developing a sense of equanimity. 
• Living an ethical life, characterized by kindness, compassion, and honesty, is seen as a path to happiness. This includes avoiding actions that cause harm and cultivating positive intentions. 
• The ultimate goal in Buddhism is not just happiness, but a deeper peace (santi) or enlightenment (Nirvana). This involves understanding the true nature of reality and freeing the mind from suffering. 
• Buddha’s teachings suggest that happiness is not a destination, but a path that one walks through conscious effort and practice. By cultivating positive qualities and letting go of negativity, one can experience a more profound and lasting sense of well-being. 

Hinduism:

• Hinduism emphasizes that happiness is not dependent on external circumstances but is an internal state of being. 
• The ultimate goal in Hinduism is moksha, liberation from the cycle of birth and death, which is achieved through self-realization and understanding one’s true nature as part of the divine. 
• The concept of Atman (the individual self) and Brahman (the ultimate reality or divine) is central. True happiness is found in realizing the unity of Atman with Brahman. 
• Actions performed according to one’s dharma (duty) without attachment to the results contribute to inner peace and happiness. 
• Overcoming attachment to material things and worldly desires is crucial for cultivating inner peace and happiness. 
• Meditation and self-reflection are practices that help quiet the mind and connect with one’s inner self, leading to lasting happiness. 

Kristin